My wife was snooping around on this site a few days ago. The reason she was snooping is that she is a graphic designer, and they all snoop websites, looking for work. In fact, she is the one who designed the background for this site. You know, that deep blue with the clouds and bamboo leaves, as if we all practice martial arts in a hurricane in some panda preserve in China. Anyway, she goes, “I didn’t see any articles from before last year. What’s the deal?”

“They’re still on the server,” I said. “I just hid them.” Then she starts giving me hell about why. Why? Why? That’s when I asked her to redo the font on the banner. When I started this, a website needed only one banner. Now it needs, like three: desktop, mobile, and tablet. Anyway, that got her off my back. Yes, she charges me. Yes, I pay. She’s a businessman. I am not.

It was a narrow escape, ’cause I didn’t want to talk about my past work. Joe Elliot (Def Leppard) once said that whenever he heard a song from their first album, On Through the Night, he had to go and turn it off. It’s like that. Ten years ago, my articles read like Dr. Ruth putting Richard Simmons in a hammer lock. Plodding. Prosaic. Painful. If you don’t know what a hammer lock is, ask your instructor. It’s Steven Segal cool. If you don’t know who Dr. Ruth and Richard Simmons are, you are not an old fart.

Yeah, so, I used to explain how to treat a pulled muscle: rest. How to reduce swelling: ice. How to decompress your spine: hang upside down by your feet. See what I mean? I had to start over. Several years back, one of our younger members at the club asked me, “Are you a master?” I replied, “I’m a novice and always will be.” He goes, “What’s a novice?” I replied, “A beginner.” And that’s the truth. I’m always a beginner. At karate. At writing. And at being a husband.

Incidentally, the best song on Def Leppard’s On Through the Night album is “Wasted.” It’s very good. Just tell Alexa to play it. You will need Amazon Music. That’s an app or whatever.